Park City Utah
4 years ago
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query fearless. Sort by date Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query fearless. Sort by date Show all posts
The Love Something Chronic campaign is my baby. When I came up for the idea in November of 2009, I was so excited to have Jen Sparks and my bestest friend ever, Stacey, help me flesh it all out. I loved watching all of the details come together, but most of all, I loved giving. I still love giving. Most of all, I love giving hope. It's the most satisfying thing of all, to share the hope and love of Christ with other hurting and broken souls.
In the beginning I was afraid. I was afraid that no one else would care, that it wouldn't grow, that I wouldn't have the resources to do what I wanted to do, what I felt was needed. I was afraid of failure. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to make a change. We're just a few women in a world full of ugliness and hurt. What can we do? I was afraid that it just wouldn't be enough.
But this year, well this year is different. Jen introduced me to Alece over Grit & Glory, and her campaign, One Word 2011. You can read more about that here.
My word this year is fearless. And I am determined that I will live fearlessly. I will love fearlessly.
And so I am not afraid anymore. If it is just us three giving and helping and loving (though I am certain that it won't be), then the three of us will give hope to as many women as we can, one gift, one holiday, one random act of kindness at a time. To be able to focus more completely on Love Something Chronic, I (with the suggestion from Jen, of course) decided to start a site dedicated completely to spreading the word of what we're trying to do. So, hop on over to see us @ lovesomethingchronic.wordpress.com and please, please, please, if you can help, do! And spread the word to all of your friends. Use twitter, your blogs, facebook, whatever you can to get the word out there, and maybe, just maybe, we can spread a little love and a whole lotta hope to the hurting and broken women of our world.
My whole life I've lived in some sort of fear.
Fear of not being approved of.
Fear of not being good enough, smart enough, pretty enough.
Fear of failure.
I wasted a lot of years of my life because of fear. I missed out on so much because I was afraid to try.
Mostly I was in fear of the truth.
I was afraid that if I faced the truth, that would make it real.
But the truth is...
I was abused.
I was afraid of what would happen if it got out. Afraid of who it would affect, and what it would change. At times I realize that those fears were legitimate. It's turned my life upside down. So even now, after I've been so open for so long, I am still afraid. It affects my decisions. I hesitate when I think someone new might find out. I hide my emotions, afraid that if I let go, I won't be able to control them at all. I fear what people might think of me, how they might judge me, or even pity me. I have literally let fear control me, my every move, for as long as I can remember.
So...
This year my word is
FEARLESS.
It's been 5 years since I've worked hard on Love Something Chronic. I don't even know how many years it's been since I blogged. I probably won't even start blogging regularly, at least not here. But I know that were people at one time who listened to my voice. So here I am.
I worked so hard to make LSC work. It felt good, it kept me going in the hardest of times, to have something positive to focus on. And then life got better. I got better. I started to heal and in that process I lost the motivation to keep up the good work. But now I am strong. I am fearless. And I want to be a change in the world. I want to make a difference. And I want to continue to teach my children about giving and selflessness and true love. I want to be Jesus to a community of people who might not ever otherwise encounter him.
But I need help.
I need to spread the word, really. I need donations. I need HELP. So I'm here, at this ancient blog that maybe some people will dare to open up because I know in my heart that my readers were wonderful, loving people. And who knows, maybe doors will open wide and together we can change the world!
I posted yesterday on Love Something Chronic's blog, and instead of retyping it all, I'll just leave a link here. My goal is, for now, to provide the basic supplies that a shelter needs to run on. Toiletries, cleaning products, baby supplies, etc.
I can absolutely use all of the help I can get, and if you feel moved to help you can leave a comment on this post, email me at lovesomethingchronic@gmail,com or find us on facebook here! If you can't help with donations then please feel free to spread the word. I can't do it all on my own, but maybe together we can make a difference!
Court
So the day is settling down and the kids and sleeping and I've been waiting hours to write this post because I'm a total nerd.
So although it was cold and I generally wasn't in a great mood, I went for a run anyhow. Okay, I don't think I can actually qualify it as a run, yet, but still. I did day 2 of the couch to 5k program, and I FINISHED. Once again I stopped halfway for about 3 minutes and let my heart rate come down, but honestly, it was easier today. (is that even possible?!) And I felt good walking home, not like I was going to die. I'm so excited! I honestly can't wait to get out there and try it again on Saturday. I just hope my heart will be able to handle it as the intervals lengthen, because I'm ubber excited to be a 'runner', because it's something that I never, ever thought I would be.
I've honestly always been afraid to try. But as the year ends, I'm reminded of my oneword2011. Fearless. So I'm going to do this full on, unafraid of failure, because even being able to run a little is a victory for me.
So, bring it on Saturday. I will kick your butt!
Oh, and to entice you to read this post, here's a totally unrelated picture of my children at their purest form... ignoring mommy :D
So although it was cold and I generally wasn't in a great mood, I went for a run anyhow. Okay, I don't think I can actually qualify it as a run, yet, but still. I did day 2 of the couch to 5k program, and I FINISHED. Once again I stopped halfway for about 3 minutes and let my heart rate come down, but honestly, it was easier today. (is that even possible?!) And I felt good walking home, not like I was going to die. I'm so excited! I honestly can't wait to get out there and try it again on Saturday. I just hope my heart will be able to handle it as the intervals lengthen, because I'm ubber excited to be a 'runner', because it's something that I never, ever thought I would be.
I've honestly always been afraid to try. But as the year ends, I'm reminded of my oneword2011. Fearless. So I'm going to do this full on, unafraid of failure, because even being able to run a little is a victory for me.
So, bring it on Saturday. I will kick your butt!
Oh, and to entice you to read this post, here's a totally unrelated picture of my children at their purest form... ignoring mommy :D
I find myself wanting to be "out there." Whatever that means. I'm spending a little more time on social media, having returned to the twiterverse, and I've been taught the ins and outs of instagram thanks to my beautiful mini-me. I started another blog that I share with my facebook friends and family but I find myself editing myself there. I'm not really sure what I feel about that. Apparently as open as I *think* I am, I am not. I still have these two sides, and while I feel like I'm am more in tune with who I am, (and this, this blog, this personality, this person, is who I am) I'm not sure anyone else it. This is the place where I can say whatever and be whoever and not worry about anything and so here I am saying it. But I'm hiding from the people I know in real life. And why?!
Am I really afraid that they wouldn't love me for me? I mean, really, who am I anyway. I think there are a few people in my real life that I could share this blog with and feel comfortable with it. But I think I'm less afraid of them not loving me and just more that I'm sheltering myself from any judgement because I don't want to deal with the bs. I guess that's not really who I claim to be, though. I claim to be fearless. Maybe some day when I'm not putting everyone else's emotional needs above my own I can truly be who I really am. I can just say to anyone and everyone listening that hey I was abused and this is the person who did it and I've pretty much forgiven him and on 2/3 of the days of the year we can have conversations in the same room and be fine so really you probably should forgive him too but I know you probably won't and that's fine too, but hey this is how it is
And this is who I am. I like to wear black and I like rock music, but also my daughter has dragged me into the top 40 charts. I love Pentatonix and Lindsey Stirling and reality shows like xfactor and american idol are my crack. I like to draw though I'm no good, and I'm a fantastic photographer if I could get the motivation to get off the couch and do it. I love to sing but am not a good singer. But I love to sing, man I love to sing. Music makes my heart so happy.
I LOVE to laugh and I'm sarcastic to a fault. I love DEEPLY. Probably too deeply. Way too deeply sometimes. I love Jesus. I claim to be a Christian but I am failing at it right now. I fear I've ruined my children and I say a lot of words that I shouldn't. That's a habit I'm trying to break. Again. I don't know the last time I picked up my Bible and we've gone from the family never misses services to the family who gets those passive aggressive "missed you this morning" texts from elder's wives when we don't show up again. I'm trying to get things under control. I am.
I have chiari and I'm bi-polar as crap. I take my medication but sometimes it isn't enough. I obviously have PTSD and my life is not simple. But it's so much better than it's ever been before. I'm 31 and I feel as though I'm just at the very beginning of things. I'm so okay with that.
I connect really deeply with characters in books and TV shows. There's one that genuinely won't ever go away. No I'm not telling you what character it is. I feel like enough of a nerd. Maybe I'll tell you in private :D
I keep finding myself wanting to stand up and say hey this is me and I want to change the world. I want to do big great wonderful things and I can't because I just can't quite cross over the threshold of putting all of me out there to everyone. So here I am. Again.
I really need to grow a pair.
Am I really afraid that they wouldn't love me for me? I mean, really, who am I anyway. I think there are a few people in my real life that I could share this blog with and feel comfortable with it. But I think I'm less afraid of them not loving me and just more that I'm sheltering myself from any judgement because I don't want to deal with the bs. I guess that's not really who I claim to be, though. I claim to be fearless. Maybe some day when I'm not putting everyone else's emotional needs above my own I can truly be who I really am. I can just say to anyone and everyone listening that hey I was abused and this is the person who did it and I've pretty much forgiven him and on 2/3 of the days of the year we can have conversations in the same room and be fine so really you probably should forgive him too but I know you probably won't and that's fine too, but hey this is how it is
And this is who I am. I like to wear black and I like rock music, but also my daughter has dragged me into the top 40 charts. I love Pentatonix and Lindsey Stirling and reality shows like xfactor and american idol are my crack. I like to draw though I'm no good, and I'm a fantastic photographer if I could get the motivation to get off the couch and do it. I love to sing but am not a good singer. But I love to sing, man I love to sing. Music makes my heart so happy.
I LOVE to laugh and I'm sarcastic to a fault. I love DEEPLY. Probably too deeply. Way too deeply sometimes. I love Jesus. I claim to be a Christian but I am failing at it right now. I fear I've ruined my children and I say a lot of words that I shouldn't. That's a habit I'm trying to break. Again. I don't know the last time I picked up my Bible and we've gone from the family never misses services to the family who gets those passive aggressive "missed you this morning" texts from elder's wives when we don't show up again. I'm trying to get things under control. I am.
I have chiari and I'm bi-polar as crap. I take my medication but sometimes it isn't enough. I obviously have PTSD and my life is not simple. But it's so much better than it's ever been before. I'm 31 and I feel as though I'm just at the very beginning of things. I'm so okay with that.
I connect really deeply with characters in books and TV shows. There's one that genuinely won't ever go away. No I'm not telling you what character it is. I feel like enough of a nerd. Maybe I'll tell you in private :D
I keep finding myself wanting to stand up and say hey this is me and I want to change the world. I want to do big great wonderful things and I can't because I just can't quite cross over the threshold of putting all of me out there to everyone. So here I am. Again.
I really need to grow a pair.
