Fear of not being good enough, smart enough, pretty enough.
Fear of failure.
I wasted a lot of years of my life because of fear. I missed out on so much because I was afraid to try.
Mostly I was in fearof the truth.
I was afraid that if I faced the truth, that would make it real.
But the truth is...
I was abused.
I was afraidof what would happen if it got out. Afraid of who it would affect, and what it would change. At times I realize that those fears were legitimate. It's turned my life upside down. So even now, after I've been so open for so long, I am still afraid. It affects my decisions. I hesitate when I think someone new might find out. I hide my emotions, afraid that if I let go, I won't be able to control them at all. I fear what people might think of me, how they might judge me, or even pity me. I have literally let fear control me, my every move, for as long as I can remember.
I'm a wife. I'm a mom. I'm a photographer. I'm a lover of Jesus. My house is a mess, my kids are dirty, we eat take out more often than not. My life is loud, busy and crazy. And that's okay with me.
This is Eric, the man you've been praying for. He's a paramedic. He quilts in his spare time. No, I couldn't make that up :) He has NASH (a form of liver disease, non-alcoholic) and diabetes, but those things don't define him. He's a man of God, an insanely wonderful husband, and the best daddy in the world.. Just ask these guys..
Our daughter Ali, she's 9. She's fiercely opinionated and strong willed. She's a Daddy's girl, but the umbilical cord hasn't but cut from me, either. She's a gymnast, and proud of it. She spends more time upside down or turning flips than she does walking. She's crazy smart, and absolutely sure of it. She is my insufferable little know it all.
Our son Dylan, 7. We lovingly refer to him as Chubs. Or Chubby. Or fat boy. Ahem. He is all boy, as you can see by his crazy wild energy. He has the highest pain tolerance of any child I have ever met. He plays soccer and does gymnastics, but truly he is a gamer, a nerd. He is an avid reader and loves to climb. Not to be outdone by his sister, he's a drama king, but to him, I'm the best mommy in the world.
I'm here to use my voice. So many people can't. In a world of darkness, I just want to help God's light to shine through. I pray that my words are His, and my love is His, as well. This is my journey through the darkness. To start are the beginning of the story, click here.