Confessions of a Paramedic's wife.
To say I wouldn't marry him if I knew then what I know now would be a lie.  However, I can say that I was totally and completely unprepared for the road this marriage has brought us down.

Being the spouse of a public servant is very much like being a military spouse.  Now I'm not saying that my husband being gone for 2 or 3 days is anything compared to yours being gone for a year, but it has its challenges.

Today is a day that I just feel completely overwhelmed.  I often say that I didn't get married to be a single parent, but the actuality of it is that I am, in most ways, a single parent.  It's hard.  It's stressful.  There are times when I find it very hard to not be bitter.

However.

Being a paramedic's wife has also brought a heck of a lot of  into this house.  For instance:

At the dinner table we talk about codes and car accidents and whining drunks.

When our kids get hurt the first question is "are you bleeding?"  If the answer is no then "You're fine."

If the answer is yes then we reply with something like "Don't get it on the carpet!"

Also, "If you break your leg I am NOT driving you to the Emergency room" is frequently heard in this house.

Fridays generally mean nothing to us, as our weekends are basically when daddy's home.

We can't watch medical shows of any sort because we spend the entire time going "Oh come on YOU DO NOT SHOCK ASYSTOLE!"

I started this post hours ago when I was worn down from dealing with the kids all afternoon alone and trying to get the house cleaned and laundry done and get everyone ready to go to church by seven, but now I'm actually in a much better place.  So here's the main confession from  this paramedic's wife.

Our life is not conventional.  We make little money and have only halfway decent benefits.  Our children have insane medical vocabularies and twisted senses of humor, and unless they are dying, get no sympathy from us.  We laugh at the most inappropriate moments, live apart half the time, and probably seem crazy to everyone around us.  But it works for us.  So I guess that's okay.

You know, now that I'm not cussing my husband for leaving me home with these two hoodlums for 3 days straight :D


14 Responses
  1. Rej. Jess H. Says:

    Thank You so much for posting this. I googled Paramedic wife and I found your site. Those of us who are married to these wonderful men who give their lives and time to be there for those going through the worst moments of their life, do need a voice.


  2. Jess M Says:

    Thank you!


  3. Anonymous Says:

    Hey everyone

    I'm soon going to be marrying a paramedic and I always doubt that fact that I could do it but thanks to these post it has made me more stronger!


  4. Anonymous Says:

    Wow! Thank you for posting this. My husband just became a paramedic, now I know what to expect. On the other hand with me being in the military I think were going to have to figure it out as we go! The unpredictable always occurs and in the middle of all the crazy we manage to raise kids!


  5. Anonymous Says:

    I was not expecting to be a single parent either and I am really having a hard time dealing with this life. My husband loves it so much that he has 2 jobs doing it and his family just seems to be third in line. Having a really hard time with it :(


  6. Holly Gymer Says:

    Thank you SO much! I came across your page and I don't feel alone anymore. My husband has been a paramedic for 3 yrs now and we have 3 kiddos, 10yrs,8 yrs and 4 months. I feel So alone right now. My husband also works 2 and 3 days at a time. But it's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like a single parent and overwhelmed at times. I do cherish the time he is home,but when he is it seems like he is so tired. How do you handle that? And How do you keep yourself from not getting worn down?


  7. hannah Says:

    That was helpful! I have a handsome and amazing paramedic man I call my own. After marriage, I'm wondering what life will be like and so googled paramedic wife. Thanks for the great article!


  8. Allyson Says:

    I am thankful to have come across this site. My husband has recently become licensed as a paramedic (had been an EMT before). He loves what he does (ex military) and I admire him for it. It is hard being this is both of our 2nd marriages and we both have kids from the previous relationships. Me being around means having all the kids more, but now that also means he can take more shifts. if he isn't at the station for his 24 shift, he is taking on calls for every second he isn't clocked in. Everyday we get a ER transfer call and I can't rely on him to spend time with kids or even babysit aka call the in laws for help as I also work full time. It's very hard sometimes to voice "hey babe can you not take on call for a little bit so you can be home without running the risk of leaving?" In a week sometimes I only see him for a couple hours. He is stronger than I, not showing a lot of emotion about having to go. I am finding it to be a struggle for me to balance our life,and handle all 3 of our children crying because he isn't home ever. I almost found it easier when he was only taking shifts and not on calls. Because then we knew he would be gone, not about to take the kids somewhere or eat dinner and he is poof out the door. I cherish when he is home, but like I said, I may get one day at MOST out of every week. Do you have any advice as to how to reassure myself it will get easier? Been together a couple years, married for 6 months. Your site definitely makes me feel calmer tho, loneliness can get messy!


  9. This way very inspiring. My husband has been an EMT for 2 years and he will graduate through his paramedic program in December. When we were married he was a music ed graduate. So his change in careers took me for a spin. I'm still as proud of him as I was the first time around, even more so now.
    Your story is like a mirror image of mine. And it makes me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one out there that feels this way. I thought I was being irrational when I would get stressed or feel like a single parent. I love my husband very much and his passion for this career path is enough to make it work, but knowing that I'm not alone make it's all the more better. My mother would say this was a "single guy's" career. So I'm glad he's not the only married man in this field ( ha ha).


  10. Bryn Says:

    I just found your blog and love what you say in that last paragraph. My hubby is a medic and this is his 10th year in EMS, and sometimes I feel like I got more than I signed up for. I'm not huge on living like a single parent so often (I HATE nights alone! I'm a scaredy cat! LOL 10 years hasn't changed that!), but I'm so proud of my husband and what he does!!


  11. This made me feel so much better, I'mean marrying one very soon. I met him when he was still just a fireman 2 years before he became a medic also. To be honest it's made us stronger but I've been scared about having kids worrying if I could do it because I do want kids. Your post made me feel normal about my frustrations sometimes.

    Thanks so much!


  12. Jackie J Says:

    I was just laying in bed crying from having a hectic day and him being gone.it does make me feel better knowing that my feelings are normal.feelings of being a single parent, loneliness,the 3rd person in his life..im a newby at this and im sure I will have to find ways to deal because the sounds of it is that the feelings will never go away...he was a cop and that was easier on me because he didn't have the oncall hours and he was always in town and he always felt closer by than he does now.the picking up hours,on call and never knowing where he is is so hard sometimes.I hope grow stronger as time goes on like alto of you..thanks for listening..sometimes Thats allow need.


  13. Unknown Says:

    I was engaged to my Iraq veteran turned Paramedic for one year. I tried hard to be as understanding as I can be with his crazy schedules. We love each other very much and worked hard to make our relationship work. At one point he asked me to leave my job and be 100% stay at home mom when we got married. Based on what I read online, paramedics don't earn much so I was asking him if I can just work from home to help pay the bills. He agreed with this set up. Fast forward 10 months later I got a work from home job offer but it will require me to travel outside the country. I took the job and everything was fine. One day he asked me to quit traveling when we got married. I agreed to travel less and on short periods of time so I can take care of him and our kids when we start our own family.

    One day, he surprised me with a request I thought was sick. He wanted me to sleep with other men. Cuckolding is how he said it. I could never imagine myself sleeping with other men other than him. I said no. We had a terrible fight. Unfortunately, I realised later on that this is his fetish. I was heartbroken to know that this man I thought was my protector and one and only would want to share me with other men. He again made me choose between sharing him with another wife (he said he will marry another woman aside from me) or should i just cuckold him. I was crushed and down the dumps with this requests. I loved him with all my heart and I still do. I later told him I will give up travelling and working and become a plain housewife but he'll have to have me only. He broke off the engagement and has gone cold with me. He's literally dropped off the grid.

    I did everything he told me to do except agree to this one. Are my choices wrong? What can you advise me. We never had any closure at all and I'm afraid he still own my heart. I could not understand how a paramedic with a crazy schedule want to have two wives and make them live in the same house with him.

    Thank you very much in advance for writing back.

    All the best,
    Zoe


  14. Angel Says:

    I could not agree more with being a medic's wife for more than 14 years. I wish I could say that is all that it is. I, myself have found it very hard to be married to a medic. The compassion is lost, hours of family therapy due to the "emotional affairs" that happen due to never being home, the closeness that they get with the other females! I hope none of you experience this! Would I say I would never marry this man again, nah, I love him with all my heart but I would not marry him if he continued to be a paramedic! Had the choice to not be one and we both made the choice for him to continue to do so because he was the best teacher and one of the best critical care medics around here and besides he loved his job. I have raised a disabled son, a daughter that allergies and asthma all by myself, I have raised his 2 kids that we had custody of all by myself with little to no help from him. I give any and all wives I know credit that is married to a medic!


Post a Comment

  • I'm a wife. I'm a mom. I'm a photographer. I'm a lover of Jesus. My house is a mess, my kids are dirty, we eat take out more often than not. My life is loud, busy and crazy. And that's okay with me.
    This is Eric, the man you've been praying for. He's a paramedic. He quilts in his spare time. No, I couldn't make that up :) He has NASH (a form of liver disease, non-alcoholic) and diabetes, but those things don't define him. He's a man of God, an insanely wonderful husband, and the best daddy in the world.. Just ask these guys..
    Our daughter Ali, she's 9. She's fiercely opinionated and strong willed. She's a Daddy's girl, but the umbilical cord hasn't but cut from me, either. She's a gymnast, and proud of it. She spends more time upside down or turning flips than she does walking. She's crazy smart, and absolutely sure of it. She is my insufferable little know it all.
    Our son Dylan, 7. We lovingly refer to him as Chubs. Or Chubby. Or fat boy. Ahem. He is all boy, as you can see by his crazy wild energy. He has the highest pain tolerance of any child I have ever met. He plays soccer and does gymnastics, but truly he is a gamer, a nerd. He is an avid reader and loves to climb. Not to be outdone by his sister, he's a drama king, but to him, I'm the best mommy in the world.