I sit staring at a blank page, with a blank mind and just let my fingers do the writing. They fly across the keyboard and I'm not really sure of what is going to come out. I feel the need to write, and I sit here with my eyes closed and my mind blank, wondering if perhaps I should be writing in my journal instead of writing here for the world to see. Not that I have anything of consequence to say. There is a lot going on in my world, but really nothing new. It is a constant state of change, and I guess that is a good thing.

I haven't blogged in a while, at least, it feels like I haven't. I feel as though I have nothing to say. My life is so mundane, so regular, so... oh wait, that's a lie. But still, I get caught up in the every day stuff that I feel like there isn't much to write about.

I don't have any new tale to tell. Not anything that I haven't said before a hundred times. And for now, I don't particularly feel like whining about things I've whined about before. So, what is there to talk about?

Nothing, I guess. But God is good, and that is something.

And I sit here contemplating deleting this post because it's so pointless and erratic. But I figure if I post it at least ya'll will know I'm alive, at least, the 2 of you who are still reading. Maybe someday soon I can post something. Something real. Something raw. People have often told me that the appeal of my blog in the first place was that I was so real, so honest, so raw. I had a story to tell, and I told it. And I think I've forgotten why I started blogging at all. And sometimes I feel as though I'm just whining when I blog about those things. But there is a part of me, somewhere deep inside my brain pecking away at me, asking me to keep telling the story. Keep saying it. Keep sharing it. Somehow, someday, it might do someone some good. And on that day, all of the hurt and tears and 'whining' will have been worth it.

I can say that I am not the same person I was when I started this blog. I have healed so much and so much has changed, and life is forever different. I'm not in the same place I was emotionally, and I'm finally on meds to control my Bipolar Disorder, which is bloody fantastic if you ask me. But I still have a story. And maybe now that I'm more capable of handling it, it'll be easier to tell. I don't know... I know this post is erratic, but I think it's sparked something in me. I think I'll take a deep breath and plunge into the life that lead me here.
5 Responses
  1. Jen Says:

    "But God is good, and that is something."

    That, my dear, is EVERYTHING. :)

    Love you much.

  2. OneGirl Says:

    Only you have your exact Story. So tell it.

  3. Tia Says:

    firefly.... God has written a wonderful story for you. Keep writing each chapter so in the end you and the whole world will see how beautiful it is. You are loved.

  4. Anonymous Says:

    It has been awhile...I was wondering how you were doing, just the other day! Take care!

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