There are days like today in which I wonder why God thinks I'm so strong, and why Satan thinks I'm such a threat.

I certainly do not feel like I am either.

I found out today that just after 4 short weeks, my brother and his oldest son will be moving back to the area. They will be here either tomorrow, or the day after.

I have two choices.

I can let this overtake me.

Or not.

I choose the latter.

I refuse to let this take me over again. I've been through it, and I'll be honest, I'm so tired of this same song and dance. Will it affect me? I'm sure. But I am choosing to move past this. I know it will be hard, and I know that there will be up moments and down moments. I will still struggle with the after effects of a childhood of abuse. But I am not giving in. Not this time.

I feel like my life has been such a gift (no, I swear, I'm not psychotic). I feel as though I've walked this hell and I've been through so much and I've recently really realized that I've come out on the other side of it. I've been abused and neglected. I've been addicted to drugs and alcohol. I've been promiscuous. I've hated my parents (and sometimes with good reason). I've been through a whole lot. And I've realized that that puts me in a very powerful position.

They say with great power comes great responsibility. And I agree 100%. And so here I am with this awesome responsibility to speak out. I know that my venue is small. The whole world is not reading this, I realize that. However, someone is. But then, tonight especially, I've realized that I have great influence here at home, at my church, too.

There are several teenage girls in our church, and all of them are going through different things. And they trust me. Perhaps they trust me because I never really grew up, and I fit in with them much better than I do with the adults, but whatever the reason, they trust me. And really, the teenage guys trust me, too. It is like I'm everybody's big sister, and they often say things like 'I really need to talk and you're the only one I can talk to about this'. And as it has recently turned out, all of the things they are struggling with, I've been through. I've already walked that road. And so now I realize that it's my responsibility to not only be a good example to them, but to also reach out to them, and show them that there is hope. That there is light on the other side, and that no matter what, they can get through this. They look up to me, and so I am in a position to lead these girls onto one path, or the other. I want to lead them onto the path that leads to life everlasting. And that is pretty powerful.

I am choosing now to allow that to be more powerful than any hold my childhood has on me. So Satan's just going to have to get over himself, because I've had enough.
3 Responses
  1. Jen Says:

    much. love.

    this. you.

  2. noahpoco Says:

    You have your amazing support system behind you and Babay B. You can do this and ur not goin at it alone. She loves you.

  3. OneGirl Says:

    I'm running on 4 hours of sleep, so I'm forgetting a lot. Remind me why your brother and his son coming back is terrible? I know it's got something to do with the abuse but it's all hazy right now. And the last line of your post? TOTALLY something I have said and would say to Satan again. We sound alike and I love it.

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