This award asks that I name 1o things I love, and then 10 bloggers that I love. I thought this would be hard for me, but really I attatch myself emotionally to so many things that it'll probably be hard for me to limit it to just ten. So without further ado.. (and seriously in no particular order)
1. Eric Paul Sager. The man saved my life. I love him more than I've ever loved any human being on this planet. He is my earthly rock, my closest friend. He works 2 jobs, ill, without complaining so that I can stay home and raise our children. He puts up with all of my... we'll call them idiosyncrasies :) He loves me even in my darkest hours, and expects nothing of me, except that I love him back. And I do.
2. Snow. I have come to realize in the last 3 years that snow is my favorite thing on the planet. I grew up in south Florida. I grew up with heat and alligators and bugs. The closest we got to snow was the stuff they shipped in every winter and we paid 25 bucks to get to play in it for a while before it all melted. Since we never had snow, or even that much winter weather, I have no snow memories. I have very few cold weather memories, for that matter. That means when it's very cold, or it snows, I can be someone else entirely. There are no memories that link to other memories that bring back my childhood. It's a completely new world for me, and I love it. LOVE. love. love. I also love bundling up my kids. I have no idea why, but this has always been a favorite thing of mine to do. I love to bundle them up in cute hats and gloves and go out and play in the cold.
2.5. Quilts. I loved quilts before Eric started quilting. As a matter of fact, I think that's why he started quilting. They're a source of familiarity and comfort.
3. Photography. I've always liked pictures, but I didn't really start trying to take pretty pictures until we moved 3 years ago. Now, photography is my passion. I love to take pictures of things, pretty things, to let a little light in every now and then. I love to edit pictures, too. I love having something I'm good at. It makes me happy. One day I hope to start my own business. I want to be a photographer when I grow up.
4. My children. I've pretty much always wanted to be a mom, but I didn't expect it to be so soon. In fact, Eric and I planned on waiting at least two years before starting to try to have children. Of course, God had other plans, and I'm thankful he did. We concieved Ali 6 weeks or so after we were married. We were pregnant and lost a child in February of 2005, and then Dylan was concieved right around our 2 anniversary. I'm so thankful that we had them when we did, as having children forced me to straighten my life out, and get sober and clean and stay that way. God is so good. Added to that, not only do I love my children, but I'm very attached to other people's children, as well. I am capable of loving other children as though they were my own. I think it's because I know they're safe with me. I can protect them from anyone who would seek to harm them, and that makes me happy.
5. Stacey. Up until 3 years ago, I was in total and complete denial as to what happened in my past. I didn't admit that I had been abused, not even to myself. In December of 2006, all of that changed. I spiraled into a deep depression, falling to pieces in my head. the problem was that no one knew, and I was very self destructive, to the point of becoming suicidal. In November of 2007, Stacey sent me an email that changed things forever. We had gone to church together for a year, but had never really talked to eachother. She emailed me, calling me out on my depression, pointing out that she suspected why I was depressed. The relationship that we formed changed my life forever. She has walked with me through the darkest, ugliest of times. When I was suicidal, she kept me safe. When I had to tell my mother, and every single time I've had to confront her since then, she's stood by me, supporting me when I need it, and putting me back together when I fall apart. She's closer to me than a sister. She's my very best friend, and I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for the support and guidance she's offered me through this dark walk.
6. I love to write and draw and do artsy fartsy things. Not like crafty things, but artsy... I am mostly a poetry/song writer, but blogging and journaling are loves of mine as well. I've been journaling since I was 8 or 9. I've always loved to write, and my poetry has become a great source of release for me. Again, I love having something I know I'm good at. I love to draw as well, though I'm really not as good as I could be, or as good as some people I know. But I love the ways I can express myself through words and pictures.
7. Rain. I love it when it rains. I can watch the rain come down for hours. I love that it washes away the ugliness and the earth gives way to beauty. I could so live in Washington state. The rain is just.. me.
8. My coat. For my birthday/christmas present this year, Stacey bought me a black wool knee length trenchy type coat. We've been looking for the perfect coat for well over a year, and really we were looking for a black leather trench. But when we saw this coat, I had to have it. I love it! It just makes me happy.
9. Day dreaming. This is the only term I have for what goes on in my head. I guess it isn't day dreaming so much as character formation. I come up with whole worlds in my head, people, places, loves. I guess it's the greates form of escapism there is. It almost always involves snow.. and love.
10. I saved this one for last because it really is the hub of my existence. I love music. My world revolves around music. My favorite music is metal. Mostly symphonic metal, European. My favorite metal bands are Nightwish, Sonata Arctica, Within Temptation, and Lacuna Coil. My all time fav band is Evanescence. We've had this discussion before. I listen to music I can relate to, and I can relate to almost every single one of their songs in some way. And I have a girl crush on Amy Lee Hartzler. It isn't just metal and rock that I listen to. I also listen to country music (having grown up in a good ole farming community, it's kinda a must) and I love classical music too. As a matter of fact, music is so close to my heart that I've been teaching myself to play keyboard over the last few months, and I love that, too! I love music because it can express the things that I'm incapable of expressing. It can express the hurt of my heart that I just can't put words to. I find it helps me cope with all of the pain, as well. I could not live without my ipod. I just wouldn't survive.
Okay I can't stop at ten. Here are a few more things I love : JD Robb's in death novel's. Eve Dallas is my hero. Rourke is... just Rourke. I love Battlestar Galactica. I firmly believe if it weren't for Eric, I'd be a Starbuck. Or a Grace. I love 'Saving Grace'. I love the Sookie Stackhouse books (True Blood is based on those books). I love Twilight. I have a thing for vampires, really. I love Johnny Depp, Harry Potter, Diet Vanilla Cokes and Mango Limeaide's from Sonic. I love hot baths, Christmas, polka dots, stripes and my new orange sheets. I like earth tones, and bright colors. I like to laugh. Inside jokes are my thing. I love biscuits, quesadillas, grilled cheese sandwhiches, and oreos. I love the sweet silence of sleeping children. I love sleeping in and staying up all night. I love my parents. I love Amanda, Carol, and Paula. I love God. Most of all. I love God.
Okay, I'm going to stop here, lest you give up on me and don't find out who I'm passing this award on to. I'm trying to give it to people who haven't received it yet.. though I may slip up and double award. But that's how I roll.
So congrats to Tia, Ellyn, Katie, Lyryn, Suzanne, Terry, Skywalker9, Mal, and Mel. Thank you for sharing your lives with us. I love you all so much!
Okay back to my crazy life with 5 kids. Tonight is a girl's night. My mom is staying and Stacey is coming and Amanda is too. We're going to watch movies and just relax after a stressful few days! much love to you all.