I'm so sleepy I can't see straight. I've had four hours of sleep, and I'm basically blogging to keep me awake. "A's" boys are here because they had to take 'B' to the doctor for a weight and bilirubin check. I think once they get back I'll take a nap. My little man will chill with me for a while. Speaking of my little man..
I'm learning a lot about my children now that my daughter is in school. I thought I knew them before. I think I was wrong. I thought I knew them. No.
My daughter is NOT liking kindergarten. After only four days of school she has decided that she hates it. School is boring and she doesn't want to spend the rest of her life there. Every morning she wakes up crying that she doesn't want to go to school. She whines until I drop her off, at which point she either pops her thumb in her mouth (which she has never done in her life) and whines a bit, or does a full out tantrum kicking and screaming and clinging to my leg, crying, begging for me not to leave her. I am not shocked by all of this. She has always been a very clingy child. It takes her longer than everyone else to warm up to things. Eventually, if you spend enough time with her, she'll trust you enough to stay with you. But it takes work, and time, and a lot of people don't want to bother (can you tell we've had issues with this before?). She even takes longer than most to warm up to other kids. Eventually she'll make friends, but for the first little while, she sits back and quietly observes them while she plays alone. She's always been that way. She says that she hates school so much because she has to be away from me for so long. That she wishes she could just learn at home (yes, I know, I *could* home school, I know, but then I fear the cord would never be cut). I hate all of this. And even though I understand, it still sucks. I don't like being taken out of my comfort zone. I like to be where I am in control. I can't blame her. I have always, always been the source of security and comfort in her life. My husband has always worked a lot, and to her, I am her security, and he is her safety. She longs to just spend the rest of her life locked in a room with the two of us. *eye roll*. I understand that her whole world has been turned upside down, and she was already going through some stuff before kindergarten came along to shake things up. I'm praying that it gets better. I talked to her teacher this morning and she said that she really is fine all day. She has a hard time going to their resource classes (like the library and P.E, though she swears she loved P.E., and the teacher, who is a man, which is saying something). She apparently wants to stay in their classroom. I guess I can understand that, too. We've taken everything and turned it upside down on her, and then she has to go from one place to another throughout her day, and she just wants stability and familiarity. I know she will get used to it. I know in a few months this will all be but a faint memory (someone please tell me I'm right about this, and if I'm not, DO NOT DESTROY MY DELUSION. Ignorance is bliss). I just hate to see her this way. We all know I have emotional baggage. I want so much to pick her up and make it better. To just scoop her up and run home. And I can't. And it sucks. Just sayin.
It's hard for me because she is so smart. She has always been smart. She was recognizing letters at 18 months. She sat at 4 months, was fully verbal by 16 months. She could at the age of four do simple math (addition and subtraction) in her head. She knows all the stuff like my phone number our address our names, birthdays and ages, etc. She has the logic and reasoning of a ten year old, and the vocabulary of a teenager. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I was sooo young when I had her. I wasn't quite 21, and I didn't know what to do with a baby. So I never treated her like a baby, ever. I never baby talked her. I just talked to her, like she was my own personal sounding board. And now, she blows me away. I always thought school would be great for her. That she would blossom and grow because she craves to learn. And even through all the trauma of this, she loves to learn. She loves to come home and do her homework. I just hate that it's so hard for her throughout the day. Sigh. I could probably ramble about this all day. I won't, don't worry.
I also am learning a lot about my son. My view of my son is that he is a holy terror. And to some extent, he really is. This is the child that at 18 months had colored on every wall in our house, had mastered climbing on top of everything, including his sisters TV (I have picture proof) had learned to flood the bathroom in 3 minutes flat, and can generally break ANYTHING. He's always kept me on my toes. But he's also always kinda lived in her shadow. In the beginning he didn't talk because she talked for him. She would come to me and say 'Mommy he wants juice'. She has always been his mother hen. She teaches him everything she knows, but he isn't as much of a show of as she is. He just silently absorbs it all. I have learned that he is a VERY independent child. He could care less about anyone else. He lives in his own little world. The other day my daughter was at school and it was just me and him. I came out of the bedroom dressed and he said 'Mommy where are you going'. I told him that I had to go to the doctor, and he says 'well, can you make me a grilled cheese before you go?'. He was convinced I was just going to leave him here by himself. He's 3, and he was fine with that. When my friend came in to stay with him he said 'what are you doing here?'. In the mornings he gets up and wakes me. I get him breakfast and he plays quietly alone or watches noggin for a while. He doesn't need to be in my face all day long. And he's such a sweet kid when it's just him. He isn't wild, I can take him out in public, he's such a sweet kid. I always struggled with my relationship with him. My daughter and I have always been close, and I felt like maybe h was getting the short end of the stick. But now, he's blossoming and growing and I just love it!
Sunday started the new quarter at church and my girl moved up to a new class. D's teacher (D being my son) said he was fantastic. That he wasn't just good, he was extraordinarily good. That was shocking to me cause he's usually wild. But he wasn't. He was a 'little leader', helping the other kids and showing the kids new to his class how they do things. I asked him yesterday (Tuesday) what he learned in class. I seriously thought he wouldn't remember but this is how the conversation went:
Me: 'So what did you learn in your class on Sunday?'
D: "Umm... we learned that Jesus had two friends'
My first thought here was that maybe he was thinking the disciples, and 12 friends.. I was setting him up for failure, I'm such a good mother :)
Me: 'Really? Who?'
D: 'Umm.. Mary and Marfa.'
Me: (ecstatic) That's right honey, Jesus was friends with Mary and Martha. Do you remember what they did?
D: .... puts his hand on his chin and thinks really hard... 'Well, Mary listened to God, and Marfa went and made him some snacks.'
Well point, young one, well put.
And with that, I'll stop boring you out of your minds about mah kiddos.
I'm a wife. I'm a mom. I'm a photographer. I'm a lover of Jesus. My house is a mess, my kids are dirty, we eat take out more often than not. My life is loud, busy and crazy. And that's okay with me.
This is Eric, the man you've been praying for. He's a paramedic. He quilts in his spare time. No, I couldn't make that up :) He has NASH (a form of liver disease, non-alcoholic) and diabetes, but those things don't define him. He's a man of God, an insanely wonderful husband, and the best daddy in the world.. Just ask these guys..
Our daughter Ali, she's 9. She's fiercely opinionated and strong willed. She's a Daddy's girl, but the umbilical cord hasn't but cut from me, either. She's a gymnast, and proud of it. She spends more time upside down or turning flips than she does walking. She's crazy smart, and absolutely sure of it. She is my insufferable little know it all.
Our son Dylan, 7. We lovingly refer to him as Chubs. Or Chubby. Or fat boy. Ahem. He is all boy, as you can see by his crazy wild energy. He has the highest pain tolerance of any child I have ever met. He plays soccer and does gymnastics, but truly he is a gamer, a nerd. He is an avid reader and loves to climb. Not to be outdone by his sister, he's a drama king, but to him, I'm the best mommy in the world.
I'm here to use my voice. So many people can't. In a world of darkness, I just want to help God's light to shine through. I pray that my words are His, and my love is His, as well. This is my journey through the darkness. To start are the beginning of the story, click here.