Courtney
In my darkness I pray that you will lift me up. In my weakest moments I beg you to cradle me in your arms. Hold me there against the cool of your chest and whisper in my ear that it really will be okay. Help me to see only you. Give me the strength to see through this pain. It is drowning me, Lord. Take the weight off my shoulders. Help me to not be so selfish. Help me to not be so self centered. Help me to focus on you. Show me the garden. Take me there. Walk with me and show your son's agony. Help me to see that it isn't just me hurting. Help me to focus on him. Let me see his pain. Help me to be who you wanted me to be. Help me to find my purpose. Help me to bring glory to you. This is your story, I don't want to butcher it.

Help me, Lord. I need you. I pray that you will give me focus. Scream in my face if you have to. Sometimes it takes a lot to get my attention. Help me to stop worrying about life around me. Help me to see you in all things. Help me to remember my purpose. To not give up. Help me to take this pain, and work through it. Don't let it cripple me, Lord. Give me your strength, I don't have any.

I don't ask that you take this pain from me. It almost seems a pointless thing to ask. This pain is a part of who I am, and I know that someday I will be stronger for it. Until that day please walk with me. Carry me. Hold me. I want to crawl up in your lap and hide. I hurt and I need you. I don't think I've ever realized just how much I need you. I don't think I've ever been this far from you. I pray that you'll help me to always remember the things you have blessed me with. I pray that when people read my story, they'll see you working in my life every day. I pray that I can be yours again. I want my zeal back. I want my life back. I want to be with you. I want so desperately to come home, Lord. I don't want to fight this fight any more. I ache to be with you. I want to scoop my family up and run home. I don't want to wait any longer in this pain. This really isn't my home.

I pray, sweet God, that you will forgive me. For all of my flaws, all of my shortcomings, forgive me. Bless me with your peace. If nothing else, help me to remember that the next breath I take will come from you. And that's enough.
In Jesus' sweet name,
Amen
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1 Response
  1. Tia Says:
    September 22, 2009 at 8:10 AM

    A precious jewel. No words, just my heart.


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