Well, here I sit, waiting. I've been a nervous wreck all morning, feeding off his emotions, anxieties, and fears. The biopsy is done. He says it hurt, but that it wasn't anywhere near as bad as last time. They're doing stuff as part of a study, now. They're having a bit of trouble with some bleeding at his IV site, but otherwise, he's resting on Percocet. Thank you all so much for your prayers. I wish I knew what to say.

I hurt.

I hurt for him. I hate to see him this way. I hate the pain. I hate the helplessness. I hate the look in his eyes. We were sitting here while they were doing a biopsy on the woman in the room next to us, and the dr said 'oh what a beautiful biopsy, I would be very surprised if this showed any cirrhosis at all'. He got upset and said 'she didn't say anything like that to me. I know he's worried.

I am worried.

I am terrified. I'm trying to put my faith in the One who already knows the results. I am trying to trust that this is going to be okay. That somehow this is all going to work out. That somehow it will all make sense in the end. That somehow, this is going to be okay. I am clinging to Him right now. I found it so very easy to pray for him while I was waiting. Begging God to ease his pain, to protect him, to give him peace and comfort. I was the only neurotic woman in the waiting room in tears.

But I was fearful. I remember the last time. He was so hurt last time, and I was terrified of walking into the room and seeing him like that again. I am so thankful that all I see in his eyes today are the effects of the Percocet. I'm thankful he can rest. And I'm thankful mostly, just for him

4 Responses
  1. kimv Says:

    Praise God for answering our prayers - that the pain was not as bad as last time! Praying that God will give you and your husband His peace - that passes all understanding - as you are waiting for the results and as you face whatever lies ahead. Continue to put your faith in the One who does already know the results . . . the One who loves you, the One who will carry you, the One who will give you His strength, the One who can and will meet all of your needs.

    Thinking of you . . . and continuing to pray.

    Love you,

  2. Katie Says:

    its out of your hands my dear...praying comfort, peace and mercy for your situation.

  3. Just Be Real Says:

    Broken, thank you for sharing. Praying for peace for you dear one....

  4. I followed you here from Just Be Real because of your Blogger name. It made me ache to read it. "Broken". It says so much. But I hope it is the beginning of a sentence that ends with the word "Mended". I read through some old posts of yours trying to understand the pain...for now be content to sit with Christ. You don't need words. Close your eyes and meditate on the scripture promise "My peace I give to you" . Meditate until it soaks in deep. May you find that peace amid this storm

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