Deep breath. Close eyes, breath in and out. It isn't working.

There are four kids running around my house. They should be cleaning. I don't think I care anymore. I love them so much right now my heart could explode. Together, they have to be the loudest, most annoying kids on the planet. They fight and tattle and scream like someone is cutting their legs off. But they have the most beautiful laughs you've ever heard. They look out for each other, you know, when they're not sitting on the baby or snatching toys from each other. I love them so much I could cry. I think I can. I think I will.

Breathe Deep.

Today has been a long, hard day. I've handled it well, of course, as I don't know how else to handle things. It's apparently my nature to just take care of things and people and roll with the punches. I have no idea where I get it from.

I took my two to the grocery store today. We were buying breakfast and lunch foods for my girl, who starts school tomorrow. I'm very, very excited for her. I think she's excited too. We'll see how she does.

The next three or four days hold a lot of uncertainty. I'm so nervous I think I could puke. Don't worry, I won't. But I could. Please, if you could, say a prayer for our little family. We need it. I need it. They need it. I can't even tell you. There are words that I just don't have. I just can't say it. So, I guess I'll tell you what I can.

On the 3rd we get the results of my husbands biopsy. We already got the results from the ultrasound, which showed two liver lesions and fat infiltration. We knew he had fatty liver disease, but it appears that it is progressing. We'll know more Thursday.

Deep breath. I can't take much more. This stuff is just the tip of the iceberg. There are so many things going on in our lives that I can't even talk about. So much hurt. Fear. Uncertainty. I've tried desperately to give it all over to God. I keep trying to remember to pray, to not worry, to keep going to Him. To keep crawling in His arms. I can't do this. I can't do any of this. He's just going to have to do it for me. I can't. I have no more strength. I'm so tired.
Thanks for listening to me rant. I don't know what else to do.