All of a sudden it sems so real. All of a sudden my depression is overwhelming. Today it was me. Today I am broken for real. As if any of this were ever fake. I probably don't have a lot of time to blog. I feel so alone today. I had a very long therapy session today, longer than usual. So many memories, so many hurts. I need a break. I want, just for once, for someone to take care of me, instead of me taking care of everyone else. I don't know what to blog about. There isn't one ounce of profound in me. I'm struggling spiritually. I'm struggling emotionally. I'm struggling physically. I'm just falling to pieces. And people know this, and still, I feel so very alone. I know there are people who care. I know. But when you're in this crisis, you need someone tangible to hold you and make it better right now. And right now, no one is available. I mean, my husband is here, but my husband is in a lot of pain right now, and dealing with his own things, and I am not capable of breaking down in front of him. I wish I were. I wish. But it is in my nature to be strong for my family and protect them from all of this. So here I am in a house full of people, all alone. I should probably go be with them, or something. I just wanted to let everyone know I'm still kickin
I'm a wife. I'm a mom. I'm a photographer. I'm a lover of Jesus. My house is a mess, my kids are dirty, we eat take out more often than not. My life is loud, busy and crazy. And that's okay with me.
This is Eric, the man you've been praying for. He's a paramedic. He quilts in his spare time. No, I couldn't make that up :) He has NASH (a form of liver disease, non-alcoholic) and diabetes, but those things don't define him. He's a man of God, an insanely wonderful husband, and the best daddy in the world.. Just ask these guys..
Our daughter Ali, she's 9. She's fiercely opinionated and strong willed. She's a Daddy's girl, but the umbilical cord hasn't but cut from me, either. She's a gymnast, and proud of it. She spends more time upside down or turning flips than she does walking. She's crazy smart, and absolutely sure of it. She is my insufferable little know it all.
Our son Dylan, 7. We lovingly refer to him as Chubs. Or Chubby. Or fat boy. Ahem. He is all boy, as you can see by his crazy wild energy. He has the highest pain tolerance of any child I have ever met. He plays soccer and does gymnastics, but truly he is a gamer, a nerd. He is an avid reader and loves to climb. Not to be outdone by his sister, he's a drama king, but to him, I'm the best mommy in the world.
I'm here to use my voice. So many people can't. In a world of darkness, I just want to help God's light to shine through. I pray that my words are His, and my love is His, as well. This is my journey through the darkness. To start are the beginning of the story, click here.