I am highly medicated and am offering no promises that this post will make any sense at all.  Today I had the formal ultrasound.  There indeed is a fairly large (from what I can extrapolate) cyst on my left ovary.  I do not know if it is fluid filled or a chocolate cyst, just that it's there.We knew that it was there, so it wasn't a real shocker.  Then they moved to scan the right ovary and that's when things got weird.  A student was doing the exam (I am all for hands on learning, bc that's how I learn, so I always say yes when they ask to try) and as she was scanning the right side the sonographer and the atmosphere in the room changed.  The turned the screen away and were snapping and measuring and saying things like 'don't lose that position, put color to it, get that pic,  and things like you have to get a whole picture, see, there, where it connects to t he ovary... very cryptic very tight lipped.  They were cautious with me getting me up to get dressed, like, with kid gloves. None of it made any sense.  They said that if I hadn't heard from the dr by tomorrow afternoon to call them before business hours ended, but that she was sure I would hear something before them.

I'll be honest, I don't know what to think or feel.  I do know there is a large cyst on my left ovary and my body believes it is pregnant.  I would be 8 weeks, if I were.  All urine tests have been negative, but the look of alarm on their faces today makes me leery.  I am assuring myself in the fact that if it were serious they would have kept me there, but if it wasn't life threatening at the moment, it can wait 24 hours.  I am praying and clinging to my God that this is going to be okay.  I keep saying that I don't want babies, but the very idea of an ectopic pregnancy breaks my heart, and I don't even know anything for sure.  I think right now I'm here just in case.  If this is a journey we're going to be walking, I want to be able to go over it, you know?  I want to have it all documented.  and a lot it is for the support, too.  I know I've not been around a lot on facebook or here and there are several reasons and soon I wan to be able to give some of those reasons because they speak volumes to the story of my life,   But for now I am petitioning you all to pray with me as I sit the next 12 or so hours waiting to hear from the doctor's office.  Pray for peace for me, pray that it's something easily fixable, but all in all, that it's God's will for us in our lives.  Please girls.  I'm terrified.   I am.  And while I am sure I sound distant and unemotional, I am wracked with fear and contradictions.  Please just keep our family in your prayers