My life is crazy. It is literally something new every day. One thing falls apart, and another things breaks, and it's literal chaos every where you go.
And I am thankful.
I've not had a working car in almost a month. It's almost 90 degrees in my house in the day time. Our checking account balance is under $100.
And I am thankful.
I have to have my appendix out, my husband has stage 3 fibrosis on his liver, and I'm bipolar without proper meds. And for some crazy reason, I am still thankful. (Well, I'm not necessarily thankful that i don't have the meds, because if you ask my family, I could *really* use those, but, you know...)
I am thankful.
I went to look at a house this morning. It's down the street from us. It sits on a cul de sac. It's got a fenced in back yard with a pool, trampoline, and swing set. It has a two story storage shed, and a shaded front yard with a porch with a swing. The owners are offering for someone to take over the payments, with no fees. It is literally absolutely perfect for us. And we'll never qualify due to the deed in lieu of foreclosure.
And I am thankful.
For days and days I have been struggling with anger and rage. Screaming and kicking things, just letting it all out. I haven't really been taking it out on anyone, but they all have been giving me a wide berth. If I were one to curse I'd say I was the b word, but I won't go there. I've not been nice. I got so stressed out yesterday, I cleaned until I couldn't move. And then I slept. All. night. long.
I don't know the last time I slept that long. I woke up this morning feeling somewhat refreshed, and after going to see the house, and realizing that we weren't going to be able to get it, I decided I had two choices. I could either let my spirits sink and get all depressed over it, or I could simply be thankful.
As I was driving my mom to the doctor, I said a little prayer, and then I listed out loud all of the reasons to be thankful. All of the reasons it was best we stay here in our house.
First of all, we have a pretty decent landlord. And instead of raising our rent 2% after 2 years, he's actually lowering it 2%. While it is hot in our house, it appears to be something that can be easily fixed. Our floor is being fixed as we speak. And Eric has entered nursing school. If we can make it through that, things will get better. And if we take that other house now, then when he gets a job as a nurse and can afford something that we *really* want, then we'd be stuck with a house.
Today, I am just thankful for God, and for the love he has for us. I'm thankful that we have a home, and that our children or well, and that Eric and I have each other. God is so very, very good.
I'm a wife. I'm a mom. I'm a photographer. I'm a lover of Jesus. My house is a mess, my kids are dirty, we eat take out more often than not. My life is loud, busy and crazy. And that's okay with me.
This is Eric, the man you've been praying for. He's a paramedic. He quilts in his spare time. No, I couldn't make that up :) He has NASH (a form of liver disease, non-alcoholic) and diabetes, but those things don't define him. He's a man of God, an insanely wonderful husband, and the best daddy in the world.. Just ask these guys..
Our daughter Ali, she's 9. She's fiercely opinionated and strong willed. She's a Daddy's girl, but the umbilical cord hasn't but cut from me, either. She's a gymnast, and proud of it. She spends more time upside down or turning flips than she does walking. She's crazy smart, and absolutely sure of it. She is my insufferable little know it all.
Our son Dylan, 7. We lovingly refer to him as Chubs. Or Chubby. Or fat boy. Ahem. He is all boy, as you can see by his crazy wild energy. He has the highest pain tolerance of any child I have ever met. He plays soccer and does gymnastics, but truly he is a gamer, a nerd. He is an avid reader and loves to climb. Not to be outdone by his sister, he's a drama king, but to him, I'm the best mommy in the world.
I'm here to use my voice. So many people can't. In a world of darkness, I just want to help God's light to shine through. I pray that my words are His, and my love is His, as well. This is my journey through the darkness. To start are the beginning of the story, click here.