Life is spinning in circles and she has no control.
She's alone now, her entire family gone. There is no where left to go but home.
She walks in the city gates and immediately people recognize her. She can hear the whispers, feel the stares. The curiosity. The pity. They wonder if it's really her. They approach.
"Call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt bitterly with me."
Read: I am not the same person anymore. I'm not the happy young woman you once knew. She died long ago.
She is alone. She is hurting. She feels hopeless. She blames God.
Ever been there?
I have. I read those words and think I could be talking about myself. Scared, alone, bitter. Feeling abandoned by God. Wondering why he let this happen to me. What did I do to deserve this? Why didn't he stop it? Why have I been left alone in this famine ravished place with no hope of a life, no hope of healing? The pain is so deep, so acute. There is no way to be restored.
Like Naomi, sometimes I can't see God's hand for the darkness. The darkness is so thick that it hides the light God is shining through. I am so hurt, and so blinded, I can not see him.
Naomi couldn't either. But she didn't go home empty handed. God had a plan for Naomi. He knew what he was going to do for her, through her. She just couldn't see it. In the end God blessed the whole world through Naomi. Her grandson, born to Ruth and Boaz, was Obed. Obed was the grandfather of King David. King David is Christ's ancestor. Through Naomi, the whole world has been given hope.
God did great things because Naomi didn't give up.
It leads me to wonder what great things God has planned through me. Through my children. My grandchildren. I wonder if, even though I am blinded by pain, there isn't a plan circulating around my life that I can not see. Just in case, I want to be prepared.
I want to be a vessel for God. Even though I feel bitter, hurt, and alone, I know God is there. And I know he loves me. Sometimes I feel like no matter how hard I try, I'm really not making a difference. But then I realize that perhaps Naomi had no idea the impact her life would have on this world. She just lived it. She didn't know her life would be recorded in the Holy Book, frozen in time, put out there for the whole world to see. She didn't know that thousands upon thousands of years later, Christian women every where would be looking at her as an example of how to live. And yet, she lived her life in such a way that it really is an encouragement to me. It really does help me to keep going. She didn't live as though she were under the scrutiny of the media. She just lived, and because of her love for God, she lived well. I love that she lived her life as a Godly woman, expecting no recognition for it. She had no idea.
Naomi had a choice. She could let her hurt, her pain, her fears, cripple her. She could let them eat her alive. She could have stayed right where she was in that pagan land, she could have cursed God and died. But she didn't. Even though she was angry and bitter, she went home. She went home and she kept going. Eventually the pain eased. Her bitterness faded and she was blessed through her daughter in law, her grandson. She found life again. She had no idea what was to come, but she lived her Godly life...
And I bet she really didn't have any idea that her family would produce the savior, the Almighty Christ, and that he would offer this world the greatest gift ever given. All because she didn't give up.
Makes me wonder what God's got up his sleeve for my little ankle biters.
This is me holding on. This is me making a choice.
I'm a wife. I'm a mom. I'm a photographer. I'm a lover of Jesus. My house is a mess, my kids are dirty, we eat take out more often than not. My life is loud, busy and crazy. And that's okay with me.
This is Eric, the man you've been praying for. He's a paramedic. He quilts in his spare time. No, I couldn't make that up :) He has NASH (a form of liver disease, non-alcoholic) and diabetes, but those things don't define him. He's a man of God, an insanely wonderful husband, and the best daddy in the world.. Just ask these guys..
Our daughter Ali, she's 9. She's fiercely opinionated and strong willed. She's a Daddy's girl, but the umbilical cord hasn't but cut from me, either. She's a gymnast, and proud of it. She spends more time upside down or turning flips than she does walking. She's crazy smart, and absolutely sure of it. She is my insufferable little know it all.
Our son Dylan, 7. We lovingly refer to him as Chubs. Or Chubby. Or fat boy. Ahem. He is all boy, as you can see by his crazy wild energy. He has the highest pain tolerance of any child I have ever met. He plays soccer and does gymnastics, but truly he is a gamer, a nerd. He is an avid reader and loves to climb. Not to be outdone by his sister, he's a drama king, but to him, I'm the best mommy in the world.
I'm here to use my voice. So many people can't. In a world of darkness, I just want to help God's light to shine through. I pray that my words are His, and my love is His, as well. This is my journey through the darkness. To start are the beginning of the story, click here.