Update 5:18 pm. They did the blood patch and he says he went from feeling 20& to 80%. God is so good. He can move his head in all directions, and even lift it up off the pillow! They'll have him on his back for another 20 minutes or so but then I think he's free to get up, which will be fantastic for him, I'm sure. I still don't know about going home. He's still really tired, and I want to make sure he isn't contagious before we go home, but otherwise things are looking up :)

ORIGINAL POST:
I don't really know where to start or what to say. I guess I can start with the updates. I have been told that whatever it is, it is viral. Since he came in with the headache and neck stiffness, etc, they're assuming meningitis, but I've not spoken with the neurologist today yet, so I'm not sure. They've given him another round of antibiotics, just in case, and are keeping him as pain free as possible. He is still on complete bed rest since every time he gets up he vomits. It's much like a pregnancy, really. Speaking of pregnancies.

NO I AM NOT PREGNANT, GET THAT FILTHY THOUGHT OUT OF YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW!!!! :)

Ahem. The doctors suspect that he might have a spinal headache as a result of CSF leak from where they did the spinal tap. The reason they are thinking this is because the headache is positional (he's better laying down). The thing that gets us is that not only does the headache get worse but he becomes violently ill every time he gets up. This isn't typical, but it could just be from the pain from the headache, maybe? I don't know. In just a little while they are going to take him down to the OR and do an epidural. Hence the pregnancy jokes. But instead of injecting medicine into the epidural space, they will be injecting some of his own blood. The blood will clot up and seal the hole that is allowing the CSF to leak, and also it will even out the pressure in the spinal column and hopefully relieve his headache. Risks are small. Hopefully this will work.

Now let me give you my opinion. Because we all know I'm smarter than the doctors.

I do not have any freaking clue what is going on. They're saying it's a viral infection, but he has not had a fever once. Except maybe before we got the the hospital. He was sweating when we got to the DR, so maybe it was just breaking. And he's had 3 courses of antibiotics in the last 3 days so maybe that is keeping the fever down? But if it's viral, would antibiotics affect a fever? Again, I don't know. I'm tired of not knowing, really. I don't think it's meningitis at this point. I will talk to the neurologist soon hopefully, but if his scans were fine, then it can't be, can it? The term meningitis literally means a swelling of the meninges and they'd be able to see that on a scan, right? RIGHT?!?! I don't know. I am texting mom asking her this stuff because she's a nurse and I don't want to call bc he's finally resting and I don't want to disturb him. Anyhow, I'd really like to talk to a doctor, but it seems they always come in while I'm gone. At least I got to talk to the anesthesiologist. To be perfectly honest I want him better. I want him home. But I kinda also want to know what the heck is going on, you know?

Yesterday I was fine. I was a riot, actually, everything was funny to me. The irony of being in room 312. The fact that Eric never follows the books, ever. That's one of the reasons I have no clue what to think. With his liver disease, he doesn't follow the books. It should be asymptomatic, and he's in constant pain. It should slowly progress, and his is progressing possibly twice as fast as it should. His eyes and skin appear yellow, but his bilirubin levels are fine. None of it makes sense. So we are kinda used to Eric not making sense. We're used to not having answers because his body just does things a little differently. I have honestly been thinking a lot about Stellan lately. His body metabolizes drugs differently, and maybe that is why Eric isn't getting much pain relief, bc of the way his body metabolizes drugs. I don't know. Maybe. I have had a lot of time to think and run scenarios and not sleep. Back to what I was saying.. yesterday I was fine. Today, I am not. I'm been fighting back tears since I dropped Ali off at school this morning. I feel defeated. I feel like.. like we have no idea, and it's frustrating.

I keep trying to tell myself that it's not that bad. This isn't that bad. There are so many people out there who have just lost a spouse, a child, etc. There are kids battling cancer and parents watching them fight that battle. And here I am ready to lose it over a viral infection. But to be honest, it feels like one stress on top of another on top of another. Eventually I'm going to hit my breaking point. I want him better. I can't do a thing. I can help him eat, bc he can't sit up. And I can love on him. And I can wait on him hand and foot. But I can't make him feel better. I can't fix this pain. And it's frustrating. I know I'm emotional because I'm exhausted. I know. I haven't been sleeping well, even last night in my bed I didn't sleep well. And it's tiring trying to give it to God. Trying to cling to God. Trying to remember God. Trying to not worry, and in the end, still worrying.

Stop the presses. I just got to talk to a real. live. doctor. Ha!

Eric has finally been diagnosed with... drum roll please...

Viral meningitis. Ha. They can't prove where it came from. Could be from the flu shot. Could be from a respiratory illness that got in his brain. The swelling isn't severe, but enough to cause him to be ill. Woohoo we have an answer. And after 48 hours there has been no bacteria on the cultures so they've pretty much ruled that out, thank the Lord. So now we're waiting on the blood patch. If that makes his headache go away and he stops vomiting, maybe we can go home. That, my friends, would be sweet, sweet, sweetness.

Okay, going to do a happy dance. This fight isn't over, but now we know what we're fighting :) I think I'll go LOVE on my LOVE.