I am most certainly not starting this post on Tuesday.
Last Monday night I didn't send my three year old son to bed in a purple silky Dora nightgown. He's a boy for pete's sake! It also didn't kill me to not add that to last weeks blog post, you know, on Tuesday.
We planned on going to 'A's' house to have lunch and swim last Tuesday. I told her we'd be there at about 10:30. I most certainly didn't sleep until 11, and then wake up in a panic because my children weren't up yet. We didn't proceed to go to 'A's' once everyone was awake, in the rain, and 72 degree weather, and swim anyhow, just because we had planned to. We also, once again, didn't freeze! I also didn't bring 'A's' son home with me just so I wouldn't have to hear anyone whine. I would rather deal with a 3,4, and 5 year old all at once alone than have to listen to anyone whine. They didn't whine anyway.
This post isn't going to be ridiculously long.
I didn't totally forget that I'd started this post. I didn't totally start a whole other post, planning to do a photo Not Me! Monday for the sake of my sanity. I haven't completely lost my ever loving mind :)
And now, some pictures to show you what else hasn't gone on around here this week :)
This is not the only bath my children had last week. These are not my children's rooms. I wouldn't dare let their rooms get this messy, ever! They haven't torn most of the tracks off of the brand new train table, either. This is NOT my closet floor! I do laundry every day....This isn't the view into my laundry room! The suitcase (that's covered in clean clothes, on top of the dryer) hasn't been sitting there since our trip to Fl in August. These are also not baskets of clean clothes. They have not been sitting there for at least a week. I haven't just been grabbing things out of them as I need them, not even worrying about the wrinkles, or anything else, for that matter. This isn't my workspace. I don't sit on that bed for hours on end working on pictures and such while my husband sews away. I most certainly don't just shove stuff out of my way, and crawl around all this mess! I also don't use the poly-fill as a pillow :) Yeah, so as you all can see, I've not only been slacking on blogging. I still feel as though I'm not really blogging. I've only been doing Not Me! Monday's and Show Us Where You Live Fridays because it doesn't involve all the work of being truly honest. I'm emotionally exhausted. Numb, even. I'm self-destructive, and also self-denying. I'm basically back where I was when I started this journey. My therapist says that disassociation usually happens when one feels threatened. Which is funny, bc although I have no idea why I feel this way, I told 'S' about a week ago that I felt the need to protect myself very strongly right now. I don't know. Anyhow, I'm basically distancing myself from everyone because really I just want to pick a fight with everyone. Anyhow, this is my week.
I'm a wife. I'm a mom. I'm a photographer. I'm a lover of Jesus. My house is a mess, my kids are dirty, we eat take out more often than not. My life is loud, busy and crazy. And that's okay with me.
This is Eric, the man you've been praying for. He's a paramedic. He quilts in his spare time. No, I couldn't make that up :) He has NASH (a form of liver disease, non-alcoholic) and diabetes, but those things don't define him. He's a man of God, an insanely wonderful husband, and the best daddy in the world.. Just ask these guys..
Our daughter Ali, she's 9. She's fiercely opinionated and strong willed. She's a Daddy's girl, but the umbilical cord hasn't but cut from me, either. She's a gymnast, and proud of it. She spends more time upside down or turning flips than she does walking. She's crazy smart, and absolutely sure of it. She is my insufferable little know it all.
Our son Dylan, 7. We lovingly refer to him as Chubs. Or Chubby. Or fat boy. Ahem. He is all boy, as you can see by his crazy wild energy. He has the highest pain tolerance of any child I have ever met. He plays soccer and does gymnastics, but truly he is a gamer, a nerd. He is an avid reader and loves to climb. Not to be outdone by his sister, he's a drama king, but to him, I'm the best mommy in the world.
I'm here to use my voice. So many people can't. In a world of darkness, I just want to help God's light to shine through. I pray that my words are His, and my love is His, as well. This is my journey through the darkness. To start are the beginning of the story, click here.