So, I've not blogged in forever.  Okay, not literally forever, but, you know.  Partly that was because my old computer was sucktastic, and partly because my life is in one word, insanity.  But here I am to say I'm alive, and also to get something down on record.  I feel like if I write it out, I'll be more inclined to stick to it, though we all know that isn't necessarily true.

I  went to the cardiologist on Friday.  It had been like 6 months since I've been, and overall it was a great check-up.  My meds are working fantastically, and she's pleased enough with my progress that unless something else comes up, I don't have to go back for a year.  Yay me!  However, I got on the scale while I was there.  I think it's funny, because she was pleased with me because since she's been seeing me over the last year or so, I've lost about 5 or 10 lbs.  But... what I weighed on friday is 5 or 6 lbs more than I weighed about 3 or 4 months ago, so it made me sad.

Now, for the first time in my life, since my medication is controlling my heart so well, I've been able to exercise comfortably.  I mean, as comfortably as exercising can be.  Well, at least I've not nearly passed out recently, so we're good.  Anyhow.  I bought new shoes, and for a little while I convinced myself that I was going to start running.  And I did run, for like, 3 days.  Ha.  But I learned in that experience that I actually *can* run.  Pretty awesome, huh?  But, alas, depression took me over, and I didn't.  Run.

So today I came home from church and was going to take a shower, but I looked in the mirror and thought... ew.  Just ew.  So... I exercised.  I started small and just did two reps of different strength exercises like squats, chair dips, push-ups, crunches, etc.  My muscles are NOT happy with me, yet I feel good.  So good. The chair dips are killer, but I know that in the end I'll be glad of it.  I was always athletic as a kid/teenager but after I had kids, it kinda all went down hill.  But now, as I'm slowly approaching 30 (omg that just looks so wrong, btw, I still have 2  years) I want to get back into shape.  I'm tired of being jiggly in all the wrong places.  I'm tired of being unhappy with how I look, of being uncomfortable in my skin.

It's funny that I'm writing this at all, because since I had Dylan, I've lost 80 lbs, and I've kept it off.  I've been within 10 lbs of this weight for about 3 or 4 years now.  But I'm just not happy with it anymore.  I know I can get in better shape.  I really don't care about the weight anymore, but more about toning up and getting healthier.  I've also started eating a little more healthy.  I've been eating more fruit, and drinking milk everyday.  I've also been eating yogurt, which I've never been able to do in my life.  The texture has always made me sick, and milk isn't my favorite either.  But my bestie (yes, I know I sound 12) has been after me to get more calcium, since I am reaching that age where women start to lose bone mass (oh please shut up about being 30 :) ).  It feels good to be doing something, and hopefully this time I can stick to it.  Soon I'll start running again, and perhaps some day I'll be in a size 8, which I've never been since being over the age of 15.  Okay, and now I'm done rambling, and maybe tomorrow I'll post a 'before' picture.  Here's to not jiggling when you run :)