Park City Utah
2 years ago
It's been 5 years since I've worked hard on Love Something Chronic. I don't even know how many years it's been since I blogged. I probably won't even start blogging regularly, at least not here. But I know that were people at one time who listened to my voice. So here I am.
I worked so hard to make LSC work. It felt good, it kept me going in the hardest of times, to have something positive to focus on. And then life got better. I got better. I started to heal and in that process I lost the motivation to keep up the good work. But now I am strong. I am fearless. And I want to be a change in the world. I want to make a difference. And I want to continue to teach my children about giving and selflessness and true love. I want to be Jesus to a community of people who might not ever otherwise encounter him.
But I need help.
I need to spread the word, really. I need donations. I need HELP. So I'm here, at this ancient blog that maybe some people will dare to open up because I know in my heart that my readers were wonderful, loving people. And who knows, maybe doors will open wide and together we can change the world!
I posted yesterday on Love Something Chronic's blog, and instead of retyping it all, I'll just leave a link here. My goal is, for now, to provide the basic supplies that a shelter needs to run on. Toiletries, cleaning products, baby supplies, etc.
I can absolutely use all of the help I can get, and if you feel moved to help you can leave a comment on this post, email me at lovesomethingchronic@gmail,com or find us on facebook here! If you can't help with donations then please feel free to spread the word. I can't do it all on my own, but maybe together we can make a difference!
Court
I find myself wanting to be "out there." Whatever that means. I'm spending a little more time on social media, having returned to the twiterverse, and I've been taught the ins and outs of instagram thanks to my beautiful mini-me. I started another blog that I share with my facebook friends and family but I find myself editing myself there. I'm not really sure what I feel about that. Apparently as open as I *think* I am, I am not. I still have these two sides, and while I feel like I'm am more in tune with who I am, (and this, this blog, this personality, this person, is who I am) I'm not sure anyone else it. This is the place where I can say whatever and be whoever and not worry about anything and so here I am saying it. But I'm hiding from the people I know in real life. And why?!
Am I really afraid that they wouldn't love me for me? I mean, really, who am I anyway. I think there are a few people in my real life that I could share this blog with and feel comfortable with it. But I think I'm less afraid of them not loving me and just more that I'm sheltering myself from any judgement because I don't want to deal with the bs. I guess that's not really who I claim to be, though. I claim to be fearless. Maybe some day when I'm not putting everyone else's emotional needs above my own I can truly be who I really am. I can just say to anyone and everyone listening that hey I was abused and this is the person who did it and I've pretty much forgiven him and on 2/3 of the days of the year we can have conversations in the same room and be fine so really you probably should forgive him too but I know you probably won't and that's fine too, but hey this is how it is
And this is who I am. I like to wear black and I like rock music, but also my daughter has dragged me into the top 40 charts. I love Pentatonix and Lindsey Stirling and reality shows like xfactor and american idol are my crack. I like to draw though I'm no good, and I'm a fantastic photographer if I could get the motivation to get off the couch and do it. I love to sing but am not a good singer. But I love to sing, man I love to sing. Music makes my heart so happy.
I LOVE to laugh and I'm sarcastic to a fault. I love DEEPLY. Probably too deeply. Way too deeply sometimes. I love Jesus. I claim to be a Christian but I am failing at it right now. I fear I've ruined my children and I say a lot of words that I shouldn't. That's a habit I'm trying to break. Again. I don't know the last time I picked up my Bible and we've gone from the family never misses services to the family who gets those passive aggressive "missed you this morning" texts from elder's wives when we don't show up again. I'm trying to get things under control. I am.
I have chiari and I'm bi-polar as crap. I take my medication but sometimes it isn't enough. I obviously have PTSD and my life is not simple. But it's so much better than it's ever been before. I'm 31 and I feel as though I'm just at the very beginning of things. I'm so okay with that.
I connect really deeply with characters in books and TV shows. There's one that genuinely won't ever go away. No I'm not telling you what character it is. I feel like enough of a nerd. Maybe I'll tell you in private :D
I keep finding myself wanting to stand up and say hey this is me and I want to change the world. I want to do big great wonderful things and I can't because I just can't quite cross over the threshold of putting all of me out there to everyone. So here I am. Again.
I really need to grow a pair.
Am I really afraid that they wouldn't love me for me? I mean, really, who am I anyway. I think there are a few people in my real life that I could share this blog with and feel comfortable with it. But I think I'm less afraid of them not loving me and just more that I'm sheltering myself from any judgement because I don't want to deal with the bs. I guess that's not really who I claim to be, though. I claim to be fearless. Maybe some day when I'm not putting everyone else's emotional needs above my own I can truly be who I really am. I can just say to anyone and everyone listening that hey I was abused and this is the person who did it and I've pretty much forgiven him and on 2/3 of the days of the year we can have conversations in the same room and be fine so really you probably should forgive him too but I know you probably won't and that's fine too, but hey this is how it is
And this is who I am. I like to wear black and I like rock music, but also my daughter has dragged me into the top 40 charts. I love Pentatonix and Lindsey Stirling and reality shows like xfactor and american idol are my crack. I like to draw though I'm no good, and I'm a fantastic photographer if I could get the motivation to get off the couch and do it. I love to sing but am not a good singer. But I love to sing, man I love to sing. Music makes my heart so happy.
I LOVE to laugh and I'm sarcastic to a fault. I love DEEPLY. Probably too deeply. Way too deeply sometimes. I love Jesus. I claim to be a Christian but I am failing at it right now. I fear I've ruined my children and I say a lot of words that I shouldn't. That's a habit I'm trying to break. Again. I don't know the last time I picked up my Bible and we've gone from the family never misses services to the family who gets those passive aggressive "missed you this morning" texts from elder's wives when we don't show up again. I'm trying to get things under control. I am.
I have chiari and I'm bi-polar as crap. I take my medication but sometimes it isn't enough. I obviously have PTSD and my life is not simple. But it's so much better than it's ever been before. I'm 31 and I feel as though I'm just at the very beginning of things. I'm so okay with that.
I connect really deeply with characters in books and TV shows. There's one that genuinely won't ever go away. No I'm not telling you what character it is. I feel like enough of a nerd. Maybe I'll tell you in private :D
I keep finding myself wanting to stand up and say hey this is me and I want to change the world. I want to do big great wonderful things and I can't because I just can't quite cross over the threshold of putting all of me out there to everyone. So here I am. Again.
I really need to grow a pair.
A post in pictures, that should have been posted in OCTOBER of Ali's very first real gymnastics meet in which she took gold on all four events and won the all around award for her age division. Yeah, I'm a loser.
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| Marching in |
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| Getting her golds |
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| With her all around trophy |
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| With her BFF |
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| The four of us :) |
We saw the orthopedic surgeon today and it was pretty good news! She got her cast off and now she has 4 more weeks in a splint. It's cast on the bottom and then wrapped in an Ace bandage. The great thing about that is SHOWERS! Also after this week she can start taking it off a couple of hours a day to work on straightening it and gaining some mobility back. After 4 weeks we'll go back and they'll do a 5th set of x-rays and HOPEFULLY she will get the all clear to return (slowly) to normal activities. That would mean that she would get to do more than this at the gym....
If she doesn't have full mobility (or what a normal person would consider full mobility, her elbows bend backwards) in 4 weeks time, then we'll start physical therapy, however the doctor is almost certain it shouldn't be a problem. So excited to be on the road to recovery, because she is really starting to get jealous of all the girls in the gym who are tumbling and having fun while she's doing core exercises and leg training. And dance. She can still dance :D
I quit blogging. I don't know why. Life I guess. I wanted to start a blog that I could share with everyone, so I did. I wrote three posts, and promptly quit, and now I don't even remember the email I used to create the blog, much less the password. This makes me giggle at myself :)
So how ya been? No really, I want to know. If you're reading this, I want to know how you are.
I'm good. Life is insanely crazy right now. Home school is fun, and it takes A LOT of discipline to make sure that EVERYTHING gets done. I'm not a disciplined person. We're learning.
This bit turned 8. That was pretty big.
Eric took a new job and is now a medic on an oil platform in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico. Somewhere. I'm actually rather jealous as he's getting pain a ridiculous amount of money to sit and do paperwork and watch movies and eat prime rib. It's a 2 week rotation, so he's home 2 weeks and gone 2 weeks and this is all very new to us. And while he isn't "deployed", I'm hearing that it is like that in some ways, like how the starter went out in my car the morning after he left, or how the dryer stopped working last night. So thankful my parents are near!
I know. Mom of the year.
Here It Is That Night.
Here's the first xray, my stylin girl and her stylin cast!
Tuesday they'll do more x-rays and we'll know if it's healing properly or if she'll have to have surgery. Honestly we don't think it will heal properly, but because it had already been 2 weeks before we got to an ortho, they decided that it was worth a shot to see if it would. No reason in operating if there's no need to. So here's praying that it'll be just fine. :)
I guess that's it for now. I have to head out for evening service. Much love to all. Maybe I'm back this time <3 p="">
This girl!
All that hard work has finally paid off. She starts team practice on the 3rd. So excited! Watch out for her at the 2020 Olympics ;)
I feel like I can never quite get back into blogging. Life is so crazy and I just... don't. But I want to today, because, why not?
So this weekend was Ali's first ever gymnastics meet. It was an inner gym meet, but it was still a lot of girls! She worked so hard for it, and she had a blast! In the end she came home with a bronze medal on beam, a silver medal each for bars and vault, and the big fat gold medal for her beautiful floor routine!
It was such a great weekend filled with fun and laughter and I just LOVE her and her attitude about it. It will be decided this week if she will be on the competitive team, and when I asked if she was upset if she didn't make it, she said 'no, It'll just tell me that I need to work harder.' Such a sweet girl.
So here are some (very blurry) pictures of the day and a couple of videos!
And here's a video of her on the bar.
It was such a great weekend filled with fun and laughter and I just LOVE her and her attitude about it. It will be decided this week if she will be on the competitive team, and when I asked if she was upset if she didn't make it, she said 'no, It'll just tell me that I need to work harder.' Such a sweet girl.
So here are some (very blurry) pictures of the day and a couple of videos!
Ali and her friends
Hanging out on the bar
Look at all those medals!
Receiving gold...
silver...
and bronze!
And here's a video of her on the bar.
